Hey ya'll, Unnamed here again.
So this is something I'm gonna do from time-to-time on my Newgrounds, a bit of a rambling series. Today, I have a couple things to talk about.
Warning: I go over some very, very serious stuff in this. Generally speaking I attempt to be child-friendly to some extent, however if you are sensitive to some topcis, then I recommend not going past the half-way point of this message. Got all that? Alright, roll the tape.
Lets first talk about the good news for you, more content. I have an upcoming project called "Melody of Another World". Its a cover album with about 13 songs and a mashup within my style. Of course, this is important as its more content and covers are often the best thing to do as a small composer. Of course, I as the creator of the album urge you to listen to it. I have no set release date, but it will be sometime before October 10th, as far as I know. I will give updates according to the schedule of the artist doing the cover album. The artist is @miralouiseartz on Twitter. She's also the person who made my current logo and the two other variants of the logo. I'm paying them a decent bit of money in commission to get this, so I just really hope people watch the video when it uploads to Youtube.
Speaking of Youtube, that's another thing I want to talk about. Even more content, yes. If you didn't know, I have a Youtube channel where I sometimes upload my music and create simple music videos, some guitar hero, some not. Sometimes there's smaller things on the channel that I don't upload as well as actual videos with commentary or highlights. Basically what I'm saying is that I have a Youtube channel that I don't consistently use, but sometimes there's some fun things on there. Sometimes its music you might not hear on here because of some copyrighting issues or something entertaining like my old-school Unnamed Highlights videos.
Now, lets talk about the real thing I wanted to talk to you about.
Money isn't something I like to talk about but this is generally important. While you may not know me, I can tell you a lot about myself through this wonderful internet thing, And now, its come up with many of my online friends to upload my music to streaming services such as Spotify, Pandora, Amazon Music, and many, Many more. However, here's something people don't realize: This costs money. In order to upload your music to these professional streaming services legitimately, you have to jump through a couple of hoops in order to get there. I know what you're thinking.
But The Unnamed Player from the popular website Newgrounds.com, Distrokid is only twenty dollars a year!
My friend you are correct. However, I do not have a stable source of income. To not bring politics into this, lets simply say I am in the USA and currently, this country does not favor lower-class individuals, which is what my family is. Generally speaking, lower middle class brings home about $43,350 big ones a year, while my father on his retirement only brings home $24,000 a year. We have no savings because my mother, whom I will go into greater detail later in the form of song, squandered it all on what we can only guess is most likely... Meth. (She has no teeth in her head at age like, 30 or something.)
This leads to a huge issue in money in my family, because my father can't work and no place wants to hire my sister, a woman with severe diagnosed PTSD, possibly OCD, and debilitating migraines. (So bad that she can only lay in bed in the darkness when she has them without medication, sometimes she throws up because of the pain and nausea.) As for me? Well, I have long hair, a big ol' beard, sever ADD and anger issues, no possible way of getting into a college, and not much hope.
This isn't to guilt you into helping me. We are fine on our own... for now.
Considering all of the above, do you think my family and I can afford to squander twenty dollars a year on something like this? My dad has always been supportive of my musical adventures and wishes to aid me, but I don't want to hurt his quality of life. He's a 70 year old man in just a week or two who's had a whole musical studio stripped away from him because of some deranged manipulative drug addict stealing all his money for meth, leaving him without savings and raising two kids whom he didn't even think he would have because my mother said she had her tubes tied. I promise you, I'm not mooching off him by staying with him, he wants us to stay because he has nothing left in his life. We even help him around the house with chores voluntarily without getting any money, because that's what me and my sister are use to.
Money is a massive issue, and there's even more I could talk about that I could go into at a later point, but I think I've given you enough concern from one little stupid news post that probably three people are going to read. To put it simple, putting my music on Spotify and Pandora right now would be like doing a commission for exposure, only not only am I giving away free work, I'm paying to give that work away.
And last, lets talk about myself.
But, The Unnamed Player from Newgrounds.com, that's all you've been doing!
Yeah, you're right but I wanted to talk about myself, the music, and the professionalism I try to practice with my music.
Due to some... let's just say, internal issues with my friend group, I've been under even more stress as well as my real life concerns. Basically, my closest friends are starting to slowly drift away from me and I've been trying to find other friends. The only issue is that the people attracted to my interests are... Neo-Nazis, anti-LGBT's, and other not so friendly types. Now, here's the thing: I have a hard time making friends. And sometimes I sink so low to attempt to be friends with even some of the meanest people you could imagine. This normally doesn't work, and sometimes it can stretch into the music part. For example, I show someone a near-completed version of something I really like, my own music. And they just go ahead and make fun of it because it's "metal music, that ain't no good real shit" or something along those lines. Or, those metalheads say my music isn't metal-ly enough. Now, I know my music isn't perfect and I ain't above a little criticism, but I suffer from some impostor syndrome. This is due to the fact that two of the people who helped shape my music. For the sake of their anonymity, despite the fact you've probably heard of them, I'm gonna call them J and G. J and G seem to have completely abandoned and forgotten about me and their music. And they didn't just help me, I helped them with their music as well, but towards the end of my friendship with them... they seemed a little hostile towards me. They acted like they were above me sometimes, or at least it seemed so. Sometimes, they acted as though I wasn't really making music, and just made fun of it. And now, that lingering suspicion lies with me whenever I see any negative criticism, even if you don't mean it that way.
However, then there's another issue with that same thing which comes back to music. I don't get any criticism.
I've gotten to a point where my friend group never gives me feedback because there isn't anything to give feedback on. This has led to what I feel is a stagnation in improvement because apparently I've skyrocketed in quality in the past two years. Of course, it's not just that because when I see the negative criticisms I get hurt because of the thing I mentioned with the J and G before. It has gotten to the point that I was so ecstatically happy when the judges from the NG ungerground thing gave me some genuine and serious feedback that actually improved my work. You haven't heard it yet because I'm waiting for the release of the album, but you'll hear a difference.
Now, the thing about my friends? I got a close friend group who I call "The Scoundrels". This is my close friend group, we share everything with each other and often help each other with mental stuff as well. Again, for the sake of anonymity, I will label them with letters. Lets say, me, A, B, C, D. There were five of us. However, sometime in the summer, D started openly insulting me. Now, I admit, I was being an asshole. But I think saying "What a stupid f*cking c*nt" and "Goodnight dumb*ss" is just a bit beyond a breaking point, no?
So now we were without friend D. However, Friend B had been gone for almost the entire summer. Hadn't said anything since the start, and never told us where he was. Friend C was in the middle of moving because his biological mother was having... some interesting issues. Keep it simple: he was homeless for a couple weeks. And friend A was at a music camp, while I was stuck without anything. At this point, I had literally zero other friends to go to because of the issues I mentioned with my interests attracting Neo-Nazis. So I had literally no social interaction other than my family for a while... only issue is that at the time because of my absolutely destroyed sleep schedule, I was nocturnal. This basically meant that for around a whole month I was completely isolated from any social interaction. Quite possibly, and I hate to say this, but there was a small possibility that that would have been the end of my story.
You don't have to worry about me, I am fine now, but there is one issue.
Friend B I haven't seen in a while, Friend C is about to move back with his biological mom, and Friend A might just be going offline for... ever. And Friend D isn't a factor anymore. So once again, it seems like it's all falling apart again. And at my favorite time of the year...
And with that I'm opening friend applications (lol)
If you couldn't tell, I really needed to talk about this. Posting this publicly I feel gives you a good insight on me and perhaps allows you yourself to understand the deeper messages I'll hide within my song better. However, I already know how the internet works. There will be people saying I said this for attention, or that none of this ever happened. While I value the privacy of my friends, its not worth giving their names out to convince pussy_destroyer_42069 on the internet that "hey, i actually did almost kill myself". That should tell you how much I value my life.
In the end, a general reminder: if you wish to see my content on Spotify or Pandora, then you can always financially aid me. Whether you want to commission for a song or just donate for some weird reason, always feel free to tell me.
Want ya'll to stay safe, hope you have a good ol' Halloween. Keep an eye out for my cover album as well if you want to hear songs from Undertale, Super Mario Galaxy, Mario Kart, and more in my style.
And here's that Youtube link.